Prison Staff Under Fire for Controversial CPR on Supposedly Deceased Inmate

By Prison Info
November 21, 2023

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Prison Staff Under Fire for Controversial CPR on Supposedly Deceased Inmate

By Prison Info
November 21, 2023

A Stiff Situation: Prison Staff Go Beyond the Call in Attempted CPR on Deceased Inmate

In a tale that walks the line between dedication and a need for a refresher course in basic biology, staff at HMP Bullingdon took “never give up” to an entirely new level. Let’s dive into an investigation where prison officers displayed an iron will to revive, even when faced with the stark stillness of rigor mortis.

The Curious Case of CPR on the Clearly Deceased

At the crack of dawn, when most inmates were snoozing, things took a peculiar turn in HMP Bullingdon. Dominic Burges, a 30-year-old inmate, was found in a state that would make most people call a coroner, not a medic. Yet, our indefatigable officers set out to perform CPR, with a tenacity that could only be halted by a nurse with a timely biology lesson.

When Rigor Mortis Sets the Scene

Picture this if you will: an inmate, as stiff as a board and colder than the prison porridge, is lying face down while officers attempt to breathe life back into him. The plot twist? Rigor mortis had truly set in, and the chap was far beyond needing a defibrillator. It’s like that moment when you’re trying to restart your ancient computer for the umpteenth time, only to realize it’s not even plugged in.

Probation Ombudsman Weighs In

There’s something to be said about perseverance, but the Prisons and Probation Ombudsman gently reminded our heroes that sometimes, it’s okay to acknowledge when the game is over. Their report did commend the noble intent but suggested a quick peek at the European guidelines might spare future blushes and preserve everyone’s dignity.

CPR Training: A Refresher Course

In response to this eventful episode, the Prison Service spokesman has announced a new round of CPR training. It’s like first aid meets Sherlock Holmes, ensuring staff can tell the difference between sleeping beauty and someone who’s bade farewell.

A Bizarre Morning Discovery

As the morning count commenced, and officers hoped to tick names off their list, they found Burges in a slumber that would have no end. Attempts to wake him with a door-kick proved futile, leading to the gallant yet misguided resuscitation effort.

A Mysterious End

The ensuing investigation into the death was as perplexing as Burges’ behavior prior, with pathologists shrugging shoulders and suggesting causes ranging from undetectable drugs to sudden adult death syndrome. Meanwhile, prison officials nod solemnly, agreeing that while they’ve curbed the drug issue somewhat, it’s rather like keeping the lid on Pandora’s box.

Lessons Learned

Amidst the dark humor and unusual circumstances, this story tells us about the fine line between life and death, and the importance of knowing when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em. These officers’ hearts were certainly in the right place, even if their medical assessment could use a little polishing.

If this story has tickled your fancy or induced a facepalm, remember that life—much like prison—often throws us curveballs. The key takeaway? It’s definitely worth checking if someone, or something, is in a state to benefit from CPR before starting compressions. After all, it’s hard to teach a corpse new tricks.

For more such humorous twists on the daily grind, follow us on our journey through the lighter side of crime news. You never know what zany incident we’ll encounter next!

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Prison Staff Under Fire for Controversial CPR on Supposedly Deceased Inmate

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